Several years ago Hawk bought me a birthday gift of a blender. She knew how I like to make frozen piña colada so she picked a model that was really good at crushing ice.
With its garish industrial design, I promptly dubbed it Ugly Blender.
Hawk, of course, was crushed that I thought her gift was ugly.
"Well of course you'd say that," I told her at the party. "You're the Ugly Blender Buyer."
She started to complain again but one of our friends interrupted. "Oh, snap! He called you the U-B-B. The Ugly Blender Buyer."
Shortly after dubbing it UB we discovered that one of the accessory parts was missing. Hawk called up the seller, who informed her that the model was on a closeout sale, having gone out of production already, and there was no supply of parts. The seller graciously refunded the full purchase price.
BTW, I felt that retroactively justified my calling it the UB. It's okay to call it ugly if it's free. Also, I pointed out to Hawk that she technically she hadn't given me a birthday gift, because she gave me something that was free. And defective. Not to mention, ugly. 😜 But we kept it and used it. We figured, Hey, free blender!
UB's main downside turned out not to be the missing part (a stirring wand) that led to it being ours free of cost. No, this blender has a taste for blood.
The very first time I cleaned the pitcher I gashed one of my fingers pretty well on the blades at the bottom. Even though I thought I was being reasonably careful, those blades were amazingly sharp. I cut a finger one other time, and Hawk did once, too. I thought I outsmarted the blades when I learned how to screw them off the bottom of the pitcher so I could wash the pitcher safely, but one time I did that I scraped a knuckle pretty badly while loosening the bolt.
Its garish design and taste for blood aside, the UB worked well for many years. It crushed ice well. The tachometer display on the front— yes, that really is a tachometer gauge you see there— was a big hit with our mechanically inclined friends, even if it is a bit more gimmicky than accurate.
For a long time UB was used mostly at parties. To make frozen drinks and as a conversation piece. ("Yeah, it's pretty ugly... but look, it's got a tachometer! How cool is that? Watch out, it's tasted blood so now it may be possessed!")
Over the past several weeks it's gotten a lot more use. I've been making diet drinks with crushed ice and Hawk has been found that pineapple/black cherry smoothies work really well for her to keep down her caloric intake while still eating tasty and filling foods.
Alas, the UB's useful life came to an end this week. Hawk loaded it up for a pineapple smoothie, started the motor, and— saw crushed pineapple foaming out the bottom of the pitcher. It turns out the plastic container had chipped in three spots around the inner rim where the blade assembly screws into it from the bottom. After we cleaned up the mess we looked online for replacement parts, but as this model has been out of production for at least 9 years now there are none.
So, off we go to Consumer Reports to read up on what's a suitable replacement.